The longer that I am blessed to sit in the midst of other’s pain and suffering, and in the midst of their recovery and restoration, the more strongly I believe that healing is not what I once believed that healing is.
The horror of things that one human can perpetrate onto another surrounds me every day. In my practice, in my teaching, and in my own life.
Every human life is made up of the light and the dark, the happy and the sad, the vital and the deadening.
How you think about this rhythm of moods makes all the difference. The rhythm does not ever end. For every ending there is simultaneously a new beginning, in that very millisecond!
We might choose to hide out in self -delusion and distracting entertainments; that, certainly, would be the end for us.
We may become cynical and depressed for a period of time, believing that the entire world is bad because one person was bad; that all relationships end in pain because one, or two have; that the world is a dangerous place in which we must use practicality and rigid thinking in order to be safe because as children we were not kept safe or protected. We may begin to lose hope because of some rough years, or decades.
All of this is justifiable, for a period of time.
But now, right now, is the time to open your heart to a mystery that is as natural as the sun and the moon, day and night and summer and winter. Not tomorrow, not next week. Right now.
I learned to open my heart and want to share this message with you.
In my 55 short years in this lifetime, I have yet to meet another who has not been through their own dark nights of the soul. You may be in the middle of one now. Perhaps you have lost a job; are in turmoil at home; or have experienced a great loss and feel you are drowning in grief. I, have had my share.
Most of us hide our dark nights because we have no place of safety and acceptance; no other who can hold our story without adding shame or further hurt.
If I had a dollar for every client who has shared with me the belief that something is ‘wrong’ with them, or that they are too ‘big’ for anyone else, too needy, too sensitive, too something….I would be a very wealthy woman.
From a childhood of incest to a young adulthood of externalizing the insanity that had become my inner world, to an adult determined to ‘feel’ better, my Quest for Peace has led me down many paths. Some, not so pretty. There were many stages of my life that were numbed out through self -depreciating behaviors and abusive relationships.
I find that in our clinical world, we tend to label many of our ‘life’ experiences as depressing. This word feels much to cold and sterile for any experience that makes us question the very meaning of life. At least for me.
It is this same clinical world that I find is losing its capacity to bring true healing to the depth of pain in many of our souls. It is a world of theories and ‘evidence based’ models that leaves too many of us feeling retraumatized as a result of working with those who may believe that they are ‘informed’ but in reality, simply are not.
Let’s not turn away from the number of children caught in a system created to serve them, and now blames them for responding to the atrocities that life has perpetrated through challenging behaviors.
In truth, we learn more about the depths of our soul, about the capacity that we have for healing in this lifetime, and about our ability to preserver through the same dark nights of the soul that we once believed would take us down. That which we thought would kill us, can actually save us.That which we thought would kill us, can actually save us. Click To Tweet
If you have been led to believe that the point of life is continual happiness, you are set up for a lifetime of disappointment. Happiness is fleeting. It comes and goes.
So does sadness.
Your purpose in life is to learn to love bigger and bigger with each passing day. To practice patience, grace and forgiveness. To jump into the risky experiences, learn all that you can and then teach others.
Your purpose in life is to develop compassion for others through your own recovery; to develop a depth of understanding that allows you to let go of judgement and condemnation as you embrace empathy and tolerance.
Healing, as I understand healing today, is to give yourself permission to find your authentic voice, your truth, your SELF and to share that with others; to remain the perpetual student as we return to our natural state of being, love. Your work is to engage with life as life is; to engage with others as others are and remain open to learning about yourself through them.
When it is time to end a relationship, you can stay in ‘love’ but ‘love’ them from afar. Go, but there is no need for anger. Nobody has to be right or wrong, good or bad. Not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime. But all relationships are meant to teach us something about ourselves. If for no other reason, we find gratitude for that.
Healing is the experience of freedom from the chains of victimization, blaming, and refusing to take responsibility for you, NOW.Nobody is beyond the hope of healing. Click To Tweet
You too, can use your dark nights of the soul to propel you forward and into the light in magnificent ways.
I can help~ Contact Me
From Boulder, Big Love, jules