Ten Commandments of Relationship

with self, spouse, partner, children, parent, peer or other based in Emotional Regulatory Healing by Juli Alvarado 2016

Relationship takes work! YUP, sorry to tell you, if you don’t work at it, relationship falls apart, every time. Whether you are working to improve relationship between you and your partner, you and your child, you and your boss, or your siblings, or parents….you have to work at it.

In my support of families raising abused and neglected children, or of parents caring for attachment challenged children, or with couples who have no children, I use some of the same relationship commandments every time.  Here they are, in summary:

Number one on the list is Commitment.

Both people have to take the relationship seriously and be willing and able to stick with it in good times and in bad. If one of you lacks commitment, the other will feel insecure and unloved, which leads to relationship stress. Without a strong commitment, it’s too easy to walk away when challenges arise.

Number two is Communication.

Both people need to know that the other person understands their needs and feelings and will respond to them appropriately. No-one is a mind-reader and good, clear communication is the only way for two people to develop and maintain trust and intimacy.

Third on the list is Caring.

Love is necessary in a relationship but it’s not enough. For a relationship to work, you must both really care about the others thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, likes, dislikes and values. If there’s not enough caring, no amount of infatuation or passion will keep you together.

Love is necessary in a relationship but it’s not enough. Click To Tweet

Number four is Compromise.

Being flexible and allowing for some give and take will build trust and respect. The willingness to give up something you want or to let the other person have their way shows them that you’re easy-going and responsive to their needs.

Fifth on the list is Compassion.

Being understanding and tolerant toward each-other goes a long way in maintaining the good-will in a relationship. When there’s compassion instead of criticism, both people feel fully accepted and free to be their own, imperfect selves.

In sixth place is Conscientiousness.

When both people are thoughtful and regularly rise to the occasion and do the right thing, it creates an atmosphere of comfort and happiness in the relationship.

Number seven is Consistency.

When you’re always the same person; when you’re reliable and dependable and you keep your promises, others will feel safe and secure around you.

Eighth on the list is Creativity.

A relationship is a living, breathing entity requiring constant attention and maintenance. An attitude of creativity brings fun and excitement to it and keeps us from taking the relationship or each-other for granted.

A relationship is a living, breathing entity requiring constant attention and maintenance. Click To Tweet

Number nine is Consciousness.

Seeing the truth about yourself and others will prevent a lot of potential misunderstandings. Having deeper insight and clarity allows you each to deal more effectively with any problems that do arise.

Tenth on the list is Courage.

This is the ability to stand up for yourself in a relationship and to reject anything that goes against your values or causes you pain. When both people are courageous, it fosters an atmosphere of mutual respect and brings out each person’s best behavior.

When you understand and apply the Ten Commandments of Relationship, you and others will be at a significant advantage, and will maximize your chances for a happy, fulfilling long-term relationship.

Although many of ‘our’ children that we work with are not yet capable of this depth of relationship, what better place for them to learn than with you. We have to start somewhere and when our children see these principles living in the relationships that we have as adults they are provided the platform from which to base their future relationships.

Relationship coaching is a great, convenient means of supporting your goals. Contact me for further information with regard to coaching for parents, couples and individuals.